We recently had a bit of an experiment on the home front, so I thought I’d share it with you, for fun. Did my business in the bathroom, came back out onto the brightly lit landing, got three steps across it and the light went out, dropping me into darkness after I’d just got accustomed to the light. How odd, thought I. Not only that, but I’d made it back into bed when the damned thing came back on again, having sensed me on my way back. Programmed by a joker? Maybe. It’s a good job he’s such a gorgeous, adorable and sexy man who I love to bits, 
My real-life hero, Mark, got us a starter kit for the automated home. He’s always trying to find new ways to make life easier for me, (no really,) and this was the latest. He pointed out how great it would be to have the ability to phone home after being away, and turn the heating or the oven on remotely. Me? Well I had visions of the place being on fire by the time we got back, or the house (and us) being taken over by "the system," (too many sci-fi movies,) but I kept my thoughts to myself. I’m always game for a bit of fun, so I went along with it.
When the package arrived he was like a little kid, running around doing god knows what with bits and bobs. After a while he came downstairs with a remote control in his hand and asked me to observe. After pressing a button on the remote, what sounded like the CD player in my office, (upstairs,) came on, and I could hear loud rock music blasting out for the cat’s benefit. I was impressed! This was great fun. I couldn’t imagine why I would want to put my CD player on in my office from downstairs, but Mark had said this was just a demo. Next up, the real thing. The remote control came into play with our bedroom light. Instead of having to stumble in the dark, Mark said, I could now switch lights on from bed. I smiled encouragingly. I didn’t tell him that the first thing that comes to mind when I look at a remote control is the hours of my life I spend looking for them down the back of sofas, etc etc. Let’s face it, they are never where they are supposed to be, are they? To cut a long story short, the result of that part of the experiment is that we are back to using the light switch, which never moves, hides or gets lost.
The most exciting part of the starter pack was a movement sensor that would automatically switch the light on when you come into a room. Mark suggested we put this on the upstairs landing, so that we wouldn’t have to fumble for light switches on visiting the bathroom in the night. It would automatically illuminate the landing, making our journey across it so much easier. Now, there wasn’t a remote control involved in this particular part of the procedure, and I could see the little red light flashing on the sensor that he fitted to the banisters. I couldn’t immediately find any flaws in this plan, and although I usually don’t bother with lights at all if I get up, I was quite hopeful that this part might actually be useful to us.
That night I half woke and moved in the bed, at which point Mark said, “don’t forget that the light will come on automatically.” I was merely rolling over in my sleep at the time, and nearly leapt out of my skin. He claimed he was trying to stop me being startled… by the light…
What the heck, I was awake… I might as well go to the bathroom. So up I got and trundled off on my usual eyes-shut-route across the bedroom and out onto landing. Past the red flashing light I went, (I peeked,) and into the bathroom. I was just about to shout out, “it didn’t work,” when the light came on. Hurrah! He shoots, he scores!
Mark said he’d look at it the next day. He did. After several experiments (hours) moving the sensor, walking about on the landing and so on, he told me that for optimum effectivity I needed to get out of bed slower, and do my business quicker. My response? Yes, you’ve guessed it: “who is being automated here, the home, or me?”
and that I have such a good sense of humour, isn’t it? No doubt a stack of money to spend on a proper system would mean that these little hiccups wouldn’t happen. Or would they..? (cue twilight zone theme music… )
October 26, 2006
Homes of the future?
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I’m sorry to laugh… but that sounds hilarious!
I can sympathise though. Himself is also a great one for hairbrained schemes that sound great in principle but which never quite work out properly in practice…
I tend to keep a torch on the bedside table myself for those little night time expeditions to the bathroom. Much less likely to turn into HAL and try to kill you!
Comment by WendyPortia — October 26, 2006 @ 6:39 am
Oh, lord, boys and their toys!
And the hours they can spend fiddling with them…
Comment by NIkki Magennis — October 26, 2006 @ 7:09 am
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Wendy
He’s so thoughtful, bless him. He tries to make things easier, especially cos of my wonky leg, but honestly I’ve always been able to find my way in the dark, I just make sure the path is clear before I go to bed. That talent did lead to one rather hysterical incident when (as a teenager) I went into the bathroom, shut the door and a voice said “just a minute.” 
My Mum can find her way in the dark too. Just as well she spoke up, eh? 
I nearly fainted though! 
Comment by Saskia Walker — October 26, 2006 @ 7:18 am
Hi Nikki, I know! you’d think the hours they spend sorting out our PCs etc would put them off more technical gadgets, but no.
It was fun though.
Comment by Saskia Walker — October 26, 2006 @ 7:22 am
Check with your RLH, Saskia. He might be living a double life. Sounds just like mine!!!!!!!
I wouldn’t mind a few automated things though — like those bank drive through chutes that send that tube through you. I’d like one of those running through my house, so all I had to do was push a button and a cold Diet Dr Pepper would come rushing to me wherever I may be. Or a toilet seat warmer that would automatically warm my tooshie on those late night tinkles.
Comment by Heather — October 26, 2006 @ 10:39 am
Ha, Heather, I just called out to him “apparently you’re living a double life with a gorgeous blonde American lady.” Seems to have put a BIG smile on his face for some reason…
Love the idea of the chute!
Comment by Saskia Walker — October 26, 2006 @ 12:05 pm
Awww you guys sound so cute!
Comment by Nalini Singh — October 26, 2006 @ 4:45 pm
As I laugh out load reading this, knowing my beloved spouse would never even think of such a thing, my son comes and asks whats so funny. So I tell him. His response is, so where can we get one? OMG
Comment by cathy — October 26, 2006 @ 7:42 pm
That is so funny!
Comment by Estella — October 26, 2006 @ 11:09 pm
LOL
ain’t it just like a man
Comment by Liz Denler — October 27, 2006 @ 6:11 am
When I was a teenager, none of us kids would turn off lights, so my dad installed those sensor lights throughout the whole house. Needless to say, there electic bill went up, not down, and I learned to sleep with the lights.
You know what I what? Doors that slide open at the punch of a button for when I’m carrying groceries or it’s dark.:)
Comment by Alyssa Brooks — October 27, 2006 @ 12:13 pm
I’m glad you all enjoyed the story!
As you might have guessed, my faith in technology isn’t strong!
Cathy, I hope he forgets
Alyssa, your comment about sliding doors made me think of Star trek. I’m the one who was watching and half expecting someone to get stuck in those doors
Comment by Saskia Walker — October 27, 2006 @ 2:34 pm
Sounds so much like my dh. LOL!
Comment by Jordan Summers — October 30, 2006 @ 1:50 pm